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Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Charlie Fink's Hairdo Spotted in Shoreditch
There I was, all friendless and wondering around trendy Shoreditch hoping to make cool friends when I went into The Book Group. I had a great idea how to make myself instantly likeable. I started Whistling the start of 5ive Years Time by Noah and The Whale but nobody took any notice. No one could hear me over the noise of the ping pong table.
I was crushed (my heart was crushed - it's metaphorical like) but I resorted to plan B (not the sensational Rap/R&B -er) I took my wallet out at the bar and said to two tasty ladies in the style of Danny Dyer (see previous entry):
"What you want giwl a dwink? Want a Tech-iwa, a couple of cheeky tech-iwas? you laaaaaaaaaaaaaaave it?"
They didn't answer. I drank the tequila's myself and went outside and sat on the pavement all dizzy and unhappy. Then I saw what looked like Charlie Fink from the aforementioned Noah and The Whale come wondering out. It was hard to tell when I was so pissed, it might only had been his hairdo, or maybe his hairdo's stunt double. I couldn't be sure, and when I opened my pissed mouth what came out in my ______ accent was too garbled to be intelligible to anyone but me.
When will I make friends in London?
I was crushed (my heart was crushed - it's metaphorical like) but I resorted to plan B (not the sensational Rap/R&B -er) I took my wallet out at the bar and said to two tasty ladies in the style of Danny Dyer (see previous entry):
"What you want giwl a dwink? Want a Tech-iwa, a couple of cheeky tech-iwas? you laaaaaaaaaaaaaaave it?"
They didn't answer. I drank the tequila's myself and went outside and sat on the pavement all dizzy and unhappy. Then I saw what looked like Charlie Fink from the aforementioned Noah and The Whale come wondering out. It was hard to tell when I was so pissed, it might only had been his hairdo, or maybe his hairdo's stunt double. I couldn't be sure, and when I opened my pissed mouth what came out in my ______ accent was too garbled to be intelligible to anyone but me.
When will I make friends in London?
Thursday, 1 September 2011
My First Day
I've moved to London. It's been a funny few days, proper something or other I'm not sure. I've only just started learning the London lingo. I don't know any Londoners yet (my housemates are all French) so I haven't had a chance to expose them to my ________ accent yet. (I'm not telling you where I'm from you see).
What I will tell you is that, on my first proper day here (after sleeping off travel exhaustion etc) I went for a touristy walk (and tube). I saw Big Ben, the Houses of Parliament and a prostitute in Soho arguing with a customer in front of a bobby (London cop) about how she'd slept with him so he wasn't getting his money back.
It was great. I feel like a local already.
That said I'm not sure I want to lose my _________ accent. Though based on past experiences I'll be sounding like these mutherfuckers in a few weeks:
What I will tell you is that, on my first proper day here (after sleeping off travel exhaustion etc) I went for a touristy walk (and tube). I saw Big Ben, the Houses of Parliament and a prostitute in Soho arguing with a customer in front of a bobby (London cop) about how she'd slept with him so he wasn't getting his money back.
It was great. I feel like a local already.
That said I'm not sure I want to lose my _________ accent. Though based on past experiences I'll be sounding like these mutherfuckers in a few weeks:
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